Is there any calculus as tricky as deciding when to start a family? Waiting any amount of time may seem selfish, especially to your overbearing Great Aunt Mildred, but parenting is not a decision to be made according to anyone else’s schedule. Ultimately, it may come down to timing that just feels right to you and your partner. Even then, there is so much uncertainty in the best laid plans.
When my husband and I tied the knot in 2013, we planned to enjoy married life for a few years before adding kids. After I qualified for the 2016 Olympic Marathon Trials — a dream years in the making — it made sense to us to wait until after the Trials to have children. Still, I didn’t like to admit running produced the timeline; I felt guilty that my hobby dictated family planning. When people asked, I usually deferred to wanting to be “just married” for a while rather than admitting running had anything to do with it.
Comments
Thank you for your openness and candor! What an excellent and thoughtful reflection of a really, really difficult decision. This has reminded me that my own hesitations to pregnancy are valid and they are mine. Thank you for the real talk.
It has astounded me for years how deeply personal people can get around the topic of pregnancy. We have fertility struggles too that make pregnancy the slimmest chance without medical help, and the first thing my sis-in-law said to me as we started our shelter-in-place 3 weeks ago was “I hope you spend your time wisely because I want a niece/nephew by Christmas”.
Thank you, Teal, for sharing.
I needed to read this. Thanks for sharing on such a deeply personal topic!!!
I get this on so many levels. I had just gotten back into running when I met my husband. The year we got married I was training for my first marathon. Then chasing BQ times… and the whole time my in laws were begging for grandkids. So when I didn’t make it into Boston by 1:41 seconds, I cried and then we attempted a family. Of course, we had fertility struggles. My in laws wanted to blame my running, “well maybe if you weren’t running so much, you’d get pregnant” were the words of my father in law more than once. Never mind that fertility struggles were on both sides… never mind we’d been trying for years. Running was to blame.
Now that I have given birth, it’s taken time to get back to running. I’m seven months postpartum and already the questions of, “wouldn’t a sibling be nice?” have come up. Yes, they would. But don’t tell me to slow down my running – my time to be me and bond with baby in the jogging stroller. I want to be fast again before I have to slow down again!